Feeling Into Addiction
We live in a world where addiction is a full blown epidemic affecting every single one of us to some degree. The opposite of addiction is spiritual connection which says a lot about living on this planet right now. Human disconnection and isolation has never been of greater concern, but there is hope and it starts with healing the self first and being willing to feel it all.
Addictions are the habits, behaviours and patterns we engage in which block our Intuition. Most people’s minds go to over-eating, over working, technology, drug abuse or alcohol when they hear the word ‘addiction’, but that is only the surface. Real harm to ourselves is caused by our conditioning and our addictions to control, power, attention and the need to be right. Our Intuition is constantly giving us feedback and guiding us to not cause harm to ourselves and others. However, beneath the surface of it all we are being driven by one common force. Fear.
In any given moment when we’re faced with uncertainty, pain or discomfort we receive instant Intuitive guidance which is the truth we don’t want to deal with. Distracting, numbing and escaping from this uncomfortable feeling of ‘truth’ is the exact moment we employ one of our coping strategies. It’s like pulling the unconscious lever to divert and direct our energy away from being conscious and looking within. We all do it because to be human is to experience fear and our first craving is to feel safe and not feel the discomfort.
The problem is though that the body keeps the score and past traumatic events and stuffed down negative emotions stay in the subconscious creating anxiety, depression and pain. Of course it’s easier to press the ‘eject’ button than it is to actually embody all our feelings. Being human is hard. But avoidance and trying to feel good all the time is called spiritual bypassing and it always ends in suffering.
My addiction story began with a horrific traumatic birth, followed by PTSD, burnout and a chronic pain condition. The prescription opioid pills made me feel safe to exist in my skin. A lovely cosy blanket to buffer the challenges that came with being a working mother, and later, a chemical dependence I couldn’t function without. Three years of this numbness was the perfect band aid for me to avoid getting to the root of the issue which was trauma and fear. When I suppressed my fear it expressed itself as shame, guilt, anxiety and physical nerve pain. This was compounded by the fact that immediately after the birth of my first daughter I fell pregnant four months later. Clearly I never dealt with the first birth experience let alone recover from pregnancy so the trauma was not going anywhere except deep down into my subconscious. That was ten years ago. Fortunately now days birth trauma is beginning to grow in awareness. However, my third birth, which I call my Intuition, was by far my proudest and most courageous creation and I’ll tell you why.
Birthing my Intuition and becoming spiritually mature was like learning how to mother myself.
Spiritual maturity or ‘emotional adulting’ is not something we’re born knowing but it’s a muscle we can strengthen and a voice which says…
‘Don’t worry, I won’t abandon you’
‘It’s safe to feel in your body’
‘This too shall pass’
So how do we feel into addiction?
We learn to live inside our own bodies unconditionally.
In other words, we become embodied.
Healing my addiction took time and I employed these five strategies which still support me every day:
1. Stop and gather some moss. We can’t sense our Intuition until we slow down and make healing a priority. The distraction of busyness and rushing around is itself an addiction to stress hormones.
2. Trauma, past pain and hard feelings need witnessing, not fixing. Processing by talking out loud is powerful and all humans need to be seen to heal. Find a trusted doctor, healer, teacher or mentor to witness your story.
3. Go deep down into the body and name the sensations. Yin Yoga and Meditation became like medicine to me. We have the power to create our own inner pharmacy of endorphins, happy hormones and natural opiates.
4. Breathwork. Continuous connected breathing is the natural way of breathing and floods the cells with oxygen creating the conditions for a rebirth.
5. Be brave and mother yourself by asking these Qs:
· What is this fear trying to tell me?
· What am I afraid of feeling?
· What is deeper than this pain?
In the end, my ability to feel everything so deeply which led me to my addiction is the exact same quality that now makes me an authentic Intuition and Yoga Teacher.
The trauma that made it difficult for me to be around large crowds also made it excruciating for me to feel other people suffering – and that makes me want to be of service and help others.
I’m grateful for fear in many ways for being the teacher and pointing me back to the truth. Addiction is an endless opportunity for personal growth and your Intuition will always say…’Trust me, I’ve got you.’